Drugs , deprestion, big women please answr!!!!!!!!!?

im a big women, not to big, just big , deprsed hate goin out on my own but i am starting to realise theirs a big world , etcetc, but to realise this ive been smokin weed, like 50's worth lasted 2 days, i think its gettin out of hand an i should be the one, workin hard to get myself better an out their, its just really hard, my best friend died as did my litlle sister, my dads an ***, my mum i looked after her an my sister, because my mother is mentally ill, with skitzaphrenia, theirs way to much gone in my life, an i thought weed was the answer, how can i make myself believe weed id not the answer, ive done it in the past, an now i feel its gettin outta controll, anyweed smokers think 50 pound of green is alot in 2 days??? an im a bigish girl aswell, which doesn't help confidence :/ i need an escape an i know weed aint the answer but damn its helped, LOADS!!!!! and i cant understand why :( im on medication, prozac, an another tablet for night, to help me sleep, im havin therepy, , have been since 2006, thats when i stopped weed, an now iv started again, i feeel better but know it needs to stop, so can ya'll help me i know it aint really a question really but, i need thios guys, i tryed to commirt suicide, brfor the weed, so as ya can tell , the change in me, has been really big, in a good way, my sister is 14, the one thats still alive, an she says the change is great but i need to find another way instead 0of doin it illegagally , i wanna loose weight find a nice man, settle down, but theirs none pout their for me, but like i say i need some tips like on how other people survived deprestion,a graphobia? an stoppin smokin weed, , weed i believe is not a physical addiction its a mentle one, agree???? please answer xxx